Knowing full well baby #3 would be our last, I had so many plans for this pregnancy. Our life has changed a lot between baby #1 and baby #3. I no longer work outside the home, my husband advanced his career, we moved to a new state and we finally truly feel settled. So many changes! My “plans” for baby #3 consisted of: a well-balanced diet, a daily fitness routine, and checking off so many goals for my blog before baby girl made her arrival. But, none of this really happened…
With this pregnancy, I so badly wanted to keep up with my normal fitness routine. I was curious to see if my body would “bounce back,” quickly…or if certain “curves” that popped up with babies 1 & 2, would stay put for this one.
I was anxious to see how consistent clean eating affected my body and overall energy level.
And my blog…I have so many goals and plans for fitandhealthymomlife! I launched the blog last September so it was still fairly new when I found out I was pregnant. I had a huge list of “to-do’s” to get done during these 9 months.
These were all “my plans…”
When My Mind Said Yes and My Body Said No
Clean Eating? Not So Much…
I was very fortunate to have a really great first trimester with my other kids. This time around didn’t go so hot for me. While I am thankful I was never hunched over the bathroom toilet vomiting all morning (mama’s I SO feel for you if this was your experience), healthy food often made me want to throw up in my mouth. But bring on the nachos and ice cream! Thankfully, these cravings leveled out fairly well after the first trimester, but the level of clean eating I wanted to maintain just didn’t happen.
A Workout Routine? Yeah That Didn’t Happen…
In my first trimester, I had subchorionic hemorrhaging. This was nothing new for me, as I had it with my previous pregnancies as well. I knew my restrictions, which included no physical activities until the hemorrhaging subsided.
In addition to the hemorrhaging, I also dealt with a cervical polyp for most of this pregnancy that caused all sorts craziness. Because of the size and the way the polyp was positioned, it caused pressure on my cervix resulting in really uncomfortable pain from my waist down. We had many conversations with the doctor about removing it, but taking a knife to anything while pregnant didn’t settle well with me.
At about 31 weeks it all climaxed. We were in Charleston for a quick family getaway and the pain from the polyp became excruciating, to the point, I literally could not stand up. I’ll spare you the gross details, but I no longer had a choice, the polyp HAD to come out.
So, at 32 weeks, we went to the labor and delivery unit of the hospital and I had a procedure done to remove the polyp. I was an absolute wreck with so many “what if” thoughts going on in my mind. I could sense the hesitation with my doctor, and the nerves she had with performing this procedure at 32 weeks. But thankfully, she did an amazing job, and it all went so well with no complications.
Now that the polyp was behind us, and I finally felt myself for the first time in months, I was anxious to resume some normalcy. Maybe take a barre class or just do something active! But my body said no again. I started bleeding shortly after the procedure and went in to see my doctor. She said, “Krysten you HAVE TO slow down!”
And the Blog…
I have big goals and dreams for this blog and was so anxious to incorporate a healthy and active pregnancy into the content along the way. But it just didn’t happen. Furthermore, my creative brain was often completely silent. Here I have a blog all about fitness and health, in yet, most days I felt far from living this out myself. How could I challenge and inspire you to do something I wasn’t doing myself?!…It just didn’t feel right.
The Mental Battle
So why I am writing about all of this? I will be the first to say, there are other mama’s who have had far more horrific pregnancy experiences than me, hands down!
I’m not writing this for sympathy, because again, my experience could have been FAR worse. I’m writing this to bring to light the mental battle I played in my mind. To talk about the mindset shift I had to come to terms with, when my plan didn’t go as planned.
I would often battle the thoughts…
…What if I don’t have a desire to work out again after baby?
…What if I can’t take off this pregnancy weight?
…What if I never get back into my normal blog routine and it all flat lines?
…What if…What if…What if…
We all have “what if” thoughts we deal with, during certain seasons. When our plans don’t go as planned. It’s a mental battle that we have to fight and consciously decide to win.
When You Need to Silence the Noise
There have been so many days I have thought about this quote from Girl Wash Your Face:
“Comparison is the death of all joy, and the only person you need to be better than is the one you were yesterday.”
See, social media has become such a beast. Although I am on it A LOT because of what I do, I often have a love hate relationship with it. While it is so great in a lot of ways, it makes the comparison game so REAL! I am far from perfect. I have absolutely compared myself to that girl that bounced back into her normal jeans 2 weeks after pregnancy, or that other person who has the cutest maternity clothes, while I sport my GAP maternity yoga pants every day (which are amazingly comfortable by the way), or that mama who crushed it at the gym up until the bitter end of her pregnancy. The comparison game is a killer!!
So, here’s what I am learning on the daily. You have to silence the noise. Don’t look at it if you can’t handle it. Anything that is going to tear you down in the season of life you are in, silence it! Don’t let it steel your joy, because there is SO much in your life that deserves your joy!! Don’t get me wrong, it’s a HARD thing to do. It’s something you have to consciously decide to do every single day, but it is so necessary.
Focusing on Joy When the Plan Goes Differently
Sure, for me my pregnancy plans didn’t turn out. And while I still wish they did because I think it would have been so fun, I FINALLY had to come to terms with it being ok! Because at the end of it all, I am so very thankful. I am thankful for this little girl that God has blessed us with. I am thankful that my complications in no way affected her. I am thankful that she completes our family. There is so much GOOD to focus on.
I get so excited when I think about Brylee and Graham interacting with her for the first time. I can’t wait to bring her home and watch Brylee change a real baby’s diaper and listen to Graham read her a book. Goodness, when I focus on all of this, all of my “plans” really don’t matter much.
Clean eating will pick up again after baby, I will find my rhythm at the gym again even if it takes me a couple extra months now, and blog world is still there (because you all are amazing and continue to support me)!
No matter what you are facing today, know you are not alone. Often times, we look at a blog or Instagram and think that certain person has it all together. When trust me when I say, it is merely a 5 second snap shot with so much chaos behind the scenes. So silence the noise, focus on the GOOD in your life and don’t let the noise steal your joy!